Thursday, May 4, 2017

How To Be One of the "Country Folk"

Make sure to use the most inappropriate vehicle for the occasion.  Go in your small economy car when hauling lumber or shingles.  Attend a wedding in your huge, noisy and dirty truck.

Improvisation is the key to a successful country redneck life.   Use whatever is in your line of vision to accomplish your goals. Do not let the lack of proper tools, training, skills or good sense prevent you from completing a task.

Live a life of complete contradiction.  Use ain't in your sentences and poor diction.  Purposely give many folks the idea that you might be dumber than dirt, but have a seldom publicly exposed intellectual or artistic side to your nature.  i.e. Be able to quote classic poetry, understand the nuances of the stock market, or exegete the Greek New Testament.

Use unexpected colorful language that has nothing whatsoever to do with swear words.

Speak of  your relatives in a way that other folks feel personally related to your Aunt Betty.

Be well acquainted with duct tape, WD 40 and a shovel.

Seldom meet a stranger but be a tad bit strange.

Give advice to all of those souls who are mysteriously drawn to you and feel the need to share their life stories whilst you are waiting in line at the DMV.

Drive at least one vehicle that is older than most of the people that you work with.

Know someone named Tater, Bubba, or Stick.

Enjoy cooking or at least eating hearty and delicious simple foods.

Use sarcasm as a means of expressing your true thoughts in such a way that folks seldom take offense because they are not quite sure what you just said and how it applies to them personally.

Have a backbone made of steel, keep a little grit in your nature and always be ready to laugh at yourself.

Be completely forgiving but don't turn your back on someone.who has proven their unfaithfulness by their actions.

Wear shoes if actually necessary.

Be at ease in your own skin.